Lindsay is confused again…

I really don’t know what I want to do with my education/career choice. I’m back to square 1, where I was, oh, about 6 years ago…

My life goals and dreams have thus far been achieved. I’m a wife and a mommy…everything I’ve ever wanted to be. So it does make some sense why can’t I pick a degree/career that I want to pursue. I’m just not career focused…I’m mommy focused.

So I have a 2yr boring generic business degree which basically allows me to do nothing. I’ve been a nursing major, a business major, a math major, a mortuary science major, and I am currently a social work major.

And I’ll be honest, I love being a social work major. The classes pertain to my every day life (child development, etc), but I can’t be a social worker… I just can’t. I’d be depressed, unable to separate my work from my personal life and it would end badly for me and my family. I love helping people and in that aspect it would be great, but unfortunately I’m the type to feel guilty a lot. And if every day in my career I see underprivileged or sick children living in less than desirable circumstances, then go home to my American Dream family of 2 kids, a dog and a nice house, I’d feel guilty. I shouldn’t feel guilty for what I have, but I can’t save the world and no matter how hard I try I’ll never be able to give people everything I feel they need and deserve. And if I can’t, then I’ll get frustrated that I’m unable to accomplish everything I want and it will benefit no one and just put me a foul mood. And if you know me, you don’t want me in a foul mood for long.

So I can’t decide what I want to do. I’m a wife and a mommy, but I can’t be a stay at home wife and mom forever. And I desire to be educated. But I just don’t know what do to, and I’m starting to get pissed off with my own indecision. What I TRULY desire to do is something medical, I just don’t know what. And the University at which I receive free tuition doesn’t have any medical options outside of nursing which I don’t want to do. So I’m exploring options outside of Miami, just to see what’s out there. The difficulty lies in the fact that in going part time, I won’t be finished for a long time, and since I’m going to be homeschooling the boys for at least a few years, that doesn’t put me in a career for another 8 or more years. I have no idea what I’ll be wanting to do in 8+ years. I don’t know where we’ll be in life or if my interests will change and I’m just tired of wasting money and time taking classes that who knows if they will ever count towards a degree. At the rate I’m going I’ll have 400 credit hours and no degree in hand.

My prayers for divine intervention and revelation are not being answered. Patience…I need patience! Luckily I have a family and a husband who support me in all I do and just laugh when I tell them I’ve changed my major… again!