38 months ago…

I was in the shower this morning thinking about how my life over the last 38+ months (for those of you that are mathematically challenged, that’s a little over 3 years) is not at how how I thought it would be. Almost 4 years ago, I found out I was pregnant. I was elated. Baby cribs, swings, bottles, diapers and little bitty clothes consumed my every thought. I joined mom’s groups online and in real life and Mason was no bigger than a few rapidly dividing cells.

Then, he was born. He was so beautiful. Perfect, really. He ate, slept, cooed and smiled. He warmed my heart. He learned to crawl, to walk and to talk. He called me “mama” for the first time and my heart melted. He was what I lived for. He was this most perfect gift given to me to take care of.

I remember before I had kids, that I had all these ideals and things I was adamant I would or would not do. My kid would never throw a temper tantrum in public. I would never give in to his incessant whining. I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t. If any of you that are reading this don’t have kids, let me say… your kid will throw a temper tantrum in public, no matter how great of a parent you are; you will at some point give in to their whining in hopes that it will bring you 2 seconds of peace and quiet.; and at some point, you’ll cave and give them pudding and Oreo’s for dinner.

When Mason hit two, I thought I had parenting down perfectly. The child was an angel. He still to this day has never thrown a temper tantrum. What was so hard about parenting? This was cake! It was day after day filled with cuteness and fun. Then came Brody. My sweet little Brody D. Brody is the opposite of Mason in nearly every way. He’s rotten, and he knows it. He throws a tantrum on a whim, but then gives you this little smirk like he’s trying to get away with something. He’ll be the child that will embarrass me until I can stand it no more. But I love him to pieces. He’s the missing piece in our family. He is the personality that keeps us on our toes and keeps us learning. He’s Brody.

If you would have asked me 38+ months ago where I’d be in 3 years with two toddlers, I wouldn’t have guessed I’d be here. I wouldn’t have told you I could catch projectile vomit in my hands and not think twice. I wouldn’t have told you that I would love reading Dr Seuss books and watching the same movie over and over (and over) again. I wouldn’t have told you that my world would have been changed as much as it has been since they came along.

I never knew what parenting was all about. It’s so much more than bottles, little clothes and babies. It’s about these little people. Gifts given to us by God to raise and show them how to be good people in this world. They grow up. They don’t wear cute little baby clothes forever. The years of diapers and bottles fade, and you’re left with a toddler, then an adolescent, and then a teenager, who is wandering through life with your guidance and love.

I’m amazed every day when I look at Mason and Brody. They aren’t babies anymore, they are little boys. Every day they watch my every move (both good and bad!) and follow my examples. I never knew 38 months ago that they would change my life the way they have. I never knew my heart would swell at the sight of them every morning or that I’d do so many of the things I’ve done for them.

And you know what? It’s different than I envisioned, but I wouldn’t change a single bit of it. I love them with all my heart and I’m so thankful to have these two beautiful children to care for and raise.