Flooded with tears…

We always make every effort to make Mason’s life with severe food allergies easier. We have a substitute food for just about everything we eat just for Mason. And I try very hard for those instances to not happen that often. It try to make sure that Mason can have what we are having. But it’s nearly impossible to do with a kid with such a list of allergens.

Mason does VERY well with his allergies. He understands that he can’t have certain things and he doesn’t ask questions. He’s just very accepting. He takes what we give him as his substitute and never says a word. I guess that always made me feel better. That he wasn’t upset by it, that he didn’t question and just went with it.

Until Today.

Brody wanted a bite of ice cream. Mason has tried the soy ice cream before and doesn’t like it so when we eat ice cream, I often just give M an Oreo or sucker or something else he does like that he can have. But today, in our kitchen, Mason just burst into tears- unlike any tears this child has ever cried and then he literally just fell into me. He cried and cried.

I knelt down to him and calmed him enough to talk to me. And apparently years of built up frustration just came out. “Mommy, I just want to be like Brody. I want ice cream, I want cheese. Mommy, I just want more food.” As a mother, my heart broke and I joined him in his tears. I could do nothing but hold him and tell him I was so sorry. And I truly am.

I can’t make this go away. I can’t fix this for my little boy. Nothing- that’s exactly what I can do. I’m completely helpless in helping him with this journey he’s been handed. And it makes my heart break like nothing I’ve ever felt. I’m typing this through more tears. I can only try to keep him safe and happy and healthy and get him through. And right now, there’s not even a light at the end of his allergy tunnel. With them getting worse and the list growing, it’s not like I can even begin to find a little hope to even give him that one day he can be like brother.

My heart is broken. This is not an easy life to live. We’re doing the best we can, but to see your child emotionally hurting by a physical problem that you can do nothing about just rips your heart out. Being helpless is so discouraging at times. Today was a day we both let out our frustrations surrounding this. Now, we pick up and keep trucking on and pray that this ends sooner than later.